What is an example of emotional blackmail in a relationship?
- What is an example of emotional blackmail?
- What are examples of emotional blackmail?
- What to do if you are a victim of blackmail?
- What personality disorder is emotional blackmail?
What is an example of emotional blackmail?
Emotional blackmails are very dysfunctional dynamics that occur in some relationships. They are a form of manipulation, including through threats, that a person uses to make demands and get what they want.
Emotional blackmail generally occurs in romantic or otherwise intimate (parent-child) relationships and, just as in "normal" blackmail, the underlying message is "If you don't do what I want and when I want it, you will regret it. I will make you suffer."
Those who practice emotional blackmail aim to leverage the victim's guilt, fear and anger to get what they want. It also triggers a de-responsibility mechanism: if something bad/wrong happens, it is not their fault, but the victim's.
What are examples of emotional blackmail?
A person who is an emotional blackmailer tends to be emotionally immature. He does not know how to build or maintain a healthy relationship, but relies on his negative behavior to persuade the other person to comply with his wishes.
When someone practices emotional blackmail, it leads the victim to feel guilty because he has shifted the responsibility for his actions onto the victim.
Among the strategies of emotional blackmail is the confusion aroused in the victims. The perpetrator manages to make his demands seem reasonable, making the victim look and feel selfish or crazy.
These phrases are examples of emotional blackmail:
- I betrayed you because you neglected me.
- If you leave me, I will kill myself.
- If you really loved me as you say, you would stop doing such a thing because I want you to.
- I have talked to my friends and family, and they all agree that you are crazy!
- You ruined my life and now you're trying to tell me to stop drinking?
- It's your fault I didn't get that promotion at work.
- If you only bought healthy food, I wouldn't be fat.
What to do if you are a victim of blackmail?
Although it sounds strange, it is not so easy to realize that one is the victim of moral blackmail (from one's partner or from an affection very close to us). In fact, you are often too far into the situation to have a clear view of it and to understand the "warning" signs. However, if you have the doubt, try paying attention to these details: if you answer "yes" to at least one of these questions, then it is likely that you are experiencing emotional blackmail.
- Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel as if your partner thinks everything you do is wrong and, therefore, you constantly feel obligated to ask for forgiveness?
- Do you take responsibility for your partner's actions? In other words, if he is arguing on a whim, do you automatically think it is because you did something wrong?
- Do you feel like you are the only one who gives up or makes sacrifices in the relationship?
- Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel like you obey his demands because you feel threatened or otherwise forced?
- Have you made/do you make changes in your life just to make your partner happy?
- Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you walk on eggshells often, knowing that you can't talk about some (many) things and knowing that you can't talk about things that bother you?
- Do you find it impossible to set boundaries in your relationship or to say no to your partner?
- Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? Do you think that if you try, he will not listen to what you are really saying?
What personality disorder is emotional blackmail?
If you find that you are the victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better. In the meantime, try to manage the situation by following these tips.
- Be honest with yourself. First, you need to be honest with yourself and take a lucid and objective look at your partner's behavior. Try to recognize his controlling behavior, of all kinds.
- Keep a journal. Jot down your daily interactions with your partner. This will allow you to go back and review what was said and done by both of you. In this way, you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Since memory can sometimes play tricks on us, it is important to put the facts on paper, partly so that you can better analyze them later.
- Seek help. Try to understand why you allow this behavior from your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the resources to do so, seek help from a therapist to help you find out why you allow others to emotionally blackmail you.
- Act for yourself. It is important to understand the seriousness of the situation, including the type of relationship with the emotional blackmailer. If it is occasional behavior, talk to your partner and try to convince him to seek help. If the situation is too compromised or he refuses, consider ending the relationship.
