The new "social family" according to Facebook
Isocial have changed the way we communicate even within families. For example, they keep moms and older children in touch. Research takes a snapshot of our habits
Who said that cell phones and especially social media cannot become valuable tools for families? Often at the center of controversy about whether they should be used by children and adolescents, social networks can instead prove to be excellent allies in keeping the family together and allowing for greater communication between mom and children. This is said by the results of research conducted by Doxa on behalf of Facebook, which offers new food for thought: 9 out of 10 moms use precisely the blue social network to keep in touch with friends and family members (97 percent). Uninterested in showing off on message boards, posting personal and daily life stories (44% vs. 50% of dads), women with children show that they know how to use the network and social as an opportunity to have fun (94%) by viewing videos or to cultivate their interests by joining and following dedicated groups or pages (91%). But in their relationship with their children? Is it true that Italian moms also use the Net to "keep them in check" even when they are older?
How social media affects parent and child relationship?
According to the study (conducted on a sample of 500 parents over 50 and the same number of children over 25), social media and Facebook in particular are increasingly a ground for sharing rather than isolation between mothers and children. The first opportunity is offered at the time of the parent's enrollment in the platform, when in 53% of cases the roles are reversed and children find themselves teaching mothers how to move in the world of social. In this the difference from fathers is marked, because men seem to be more familiar with social and share less of its "tricks" with their children (29%). Once they join the Facebook world, then, mothers show that they use social as a tool to stay in touch with their children, following their activities even when they are away or away from home (72%). They often take an interest in their activities (43 percent) and even go so far as to comment on photos (63 percent) or share their posts (57 percent). Moms 3.0 then show no shame in posting shots of themselves with their "little ones." "I think there are positive aspects to social communication in the family, because there is a chance to get to know your children a little bit more, to know who they hang out with, who they hang out with, or to understand what they think. Criticism of social media doesn't make a lot of sense, partly because they are there now, so it's better to learn how to use them, even us parents, and how to manage them," explains Nan Cooseman, Family Coach and creator of Younite. "The important thing," warns the family relations expert, "is not to get into competition with your children. Sometimes it happens that moms show off more on social media, and then a form of race to see who appears more can be triggered."
"The fact that the research is conducted on a sample of children who are no longer young makes it possible to exclude a desire for real control on the part of parents. It should be considered, however, that many children, even adults or young adults, still live at home, and perhaps the social media used by family members in this represent a way to maintain communication that otherwise becomes rarefied. The only risk is that of breaking the intimacy of children, invading it," comments sociologist Chiara Saraceno.
Which is the best alternative to WhatsApp?
Social and especially those that focus on messaging have now supplanted the "old" phone calls. To communicate between family members, social tools such as Whatsapp, which is used for almost all contacts between mothers and children (98%), are now preferred. Also increasingly popular are voice messages, which are faster and more convenient (for those who record and send them, less so for those who receive them) than written text messages (81 percent). But since Whatsapp also allows the exchange of photos, that's when selfies and snaps also find a place in family communication, which thus changes form: "Social networks like Whatsapp represent a facilitation in family communication, especially when children are far away or away from home. I was in the U.S. for a year when I was 16 and was writing a letter a month to my parents. Already my daughters, also away from home for a long time, used email, with less formal, shorter but much more frequent messages. Today with Whatsapp one can send messages to each other potentially every day and several times a day, and one has the impression of being in continuous contact and the idea that, if needed, contact is possible and immediate. Whatsapp can also serve just to convey a state of mind from the child to the mother, and that's good," the sociologist explains.
"I think there needs to be a proper balance on the part of both children and parents in the use of Whatsapp. This way of communication can be very helpful when sometimes it happens that children shut down. If we parents ask them how they are doing or what they have, we probably hear a simple 'Nothing' answer. If, on the other hand, we send them a message via Whatsapp, perhaps writing 'Hi, I love you' or 'You're great,' we definitely please them, we let them know that we are close to them, but without invading their space, we make them feel that we are close to them. I personally am in love with gifts, animated icons, and I often communicate through these: this makes them laugh and makes me laugh, creating communication, although it is important to remember that there must be moments of sharing at home as well," Coosemans explains.
The family has now become so social that even phone calls have often become video calls or chats between members of the same household (in 50 percent of cases). "In fact, phone calls have simply been enhanced. If one's child is far away and becomes a father, video calls allow, for example, the grandmother to see the child eating a meal or playing, they are phone calls that allow greater participation, almost comparable to a visit, even if one cannot touch," explains sociologist Chiara Saraceno.
How do I make Instagram more family friendly?
In a society in which images are increasingly important, even family communication spaces have been "colonized" by photos, so much so that even a social site such as Instagram is now the preserve of modern moms, who often use it mainly to look at other people's (75 percent) and especially their children's (61 percent) shots. But is it really about sharing or a new form of remote control? Some speak of "affectionate control": "It is indeed a break in the space of privateness, evidently agreed upon, because the children accept it otherwise they would not allow their mother to be among their contacts. The important thing is that the parents do not think they are equal friends, because that is not their role. I don't think, however, that the confidence between mother and children increases if they see each other or share photos on social media, also because I don't think anyone is ever an open book to someone else," says the sociologist. "Of course feeling watched and controlled doesn't make children very happy. I have to say that I learn a lot from Instagram and especially from Stories. I guard against commenting, but I see who my children are with, how they communicate, and I do it from a distance, without being intrusive. Sometimes it happens that children block parents, but it's all about how you use social," concludes Family Coach Nan Coosemans.
